I need to stabilize. It’s difficult for me to find a middle ground of mood. I had a great day today. I hit the highs. I’m not looking to maintain an elevated state. I’m just tired of the valleys.
The problem could be that I partied growing up. Maybe the toxins messed up my synapses or distorted how I regulate my dopamine and serotonin. I’d hate to think that shit I did as a teenager will affect the way I feel for the rest of my life. Or maybe this is just life.
I think I’d be okay if I could drink alcohol at work. It sounds terrible, but I think I’d still be pretty productive…maybe even inspired. Knowing that I had the freedom to drink may even make it so I wouldn’t do it. I remember working at Wal-Mart, Home Depot, and HEB (Grocery Store in Texas) when I was in high school and college. I drank all the time before work, or partied some other way. If anyone that is reading this has ever been a cashier they’ll know what I mean when I say I always had the most Items Registered per Minute out of all the other cashiers, despite the partying. Or maybe because of them. It was fun. -unfigurable