The problem with depression is not that I feel bad. The problem is that I don’t feel good. There are times when I feel angry, frustrated, or beaten down, but most of the time I just feel empty. My default setting is not positive. Positive usually only comes with stimulus.
So I find that I’m subconsciously always trying to fill the void. My life is a continuous struggle to distract me from emptiness. Chasing the positive rush makes it impossible to relax. Living without relaxation brings about negative thoughts and exhaustion.
I need to find a way to fill the empty feeling without substances or media stimulus. I need to find the fill within me or through activity. The problem will be breaking old habits. -unfigurable