I see it as a mixed problem. I want what I do in my life to matter…and not just matter a little, but matter a lot. After all, I’m suffering through this life. I struggle every day. I have lots of good moments every day, more good than bad, but I can’t say that there is a single day that goes by when I don’t suffer, want, or hurt in some way physically, mentally, or emotionally. We all struggle through our lives. With that idea in mind, I want my life to count for some shit.
So, mattering a little isn’t good enough for me. How do I increase my amount of mattering? I influence more lives. How can I best influence more lives? Well, I can work my way to the top of an organization, increase my responsibility, and in the process make more money while influencing more lives. But doing this will increase the amount of work I have to do, thereby diminishing my free time, and increasing my anxiety, worry, and overall suffering.
I’ve come to this troubling conclusion. I want my life to matter because I’m suffering through my life, so I want my life to count for something. But in order for my life to count for something I need to work harder and take on larger tasks, which will increase my suffering. This is some cruel ass game. Carl Miller