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Men and Women Interpret Respect Differently

The wife and I have been jockeying for position over the past few days. I say she doesn’t respect me. She says she does. When I looked it up online there were a bunch of religious references to how the man is commanded to love the wife and the woman is commanded respect the husband. The online interpretations suggested that these commands from god are written because the woman does not naturally respect and the man does not naturally love. Normally, I would just shrug this off as religious BS, but, in talking to the wife, it does seem that she doesn’t understand what I mean when I say “respect.”

When I say she does not respect me I mean to say she treats me poorly. When she gets upset with the children, or with her mother, or with my mother she takes it out on me. When I come home early from work she’ll state that she wishes I would go back to work because I annoy her. If I back her up when dealing with the children she tells me to butt-out. She degrades my efforts in education suggesting that I get crazy ideas from books I read whenever I have an epiphany, or tells me that I flip flop on what I want according to the lasted article I’ve read.

I bring this stuff up to her…when I say “hey, I don’t like it when you call me annoying”….or “hey, I’m trying to share an idea I had with you please hear what I’m excited about,” she’ll respond that I’m taking what she says too seriously….that she’s joking with me….that she didn’t mean it. She doesn’t see it as disrespect. I don’t think she knows what respect is.

I can’t imagine ever telling her that she’s annoying, or cutting her off when she has an idea, or telling her to back off when talking to the children because I see these acts and verbosities as disrespectful….but she doesn’t. How can I explain to her in “woman language” that her words and actions are hurting me and making me want to pull away from her? -Carl Miller


One response to “Men and Women Interpret Respect Differently

  1. When planning a vacation, they say ‘double your spending money, and only take half of the clothing you were planning on packing.’

    When it comes to being in a relationship with a woman, my experience is that both sides would be well served to ‘double their actions and only use half of their words.’

    Regarding disrespect, it is almost always a woman’s WORDS that are problematic, not her actions. (Her actions are really quite nice.) However, when in a rare moment of clarity she accepts that what she said was inappropriate, she pulls out the ‘I was only kidding’ card.

    No, she was not kidding.

    For what it is worth, you might try to focus on what is being SAID.


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